[dropcap]N[/dropcap]ow that you’ve taken the Quiz and know which category your guy falls in, it’s time to see the descriptions for The Player, The Sugar Daddy and The Middle Man.
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[tab title=”THE PLAYER” icon=”entypo-book”]
The traditional Player is usually quite obvious. But for a girl new to an area, or just to Dating, the signs could be drowned out by the hype of the local Scene itself. I’ve had more than my fair share of Player encounters and depending on where you hang out you could easily become desensitized to the signs of a Player. Some girls eventually come to mistakenly dismiss warning signs as commonplace or normal. A Player could be disguised in two forms: Quiet and Loud. A Loud Player is clearly obnoxious, even crass – continually disrespecting and condescending to everyone around him, all the while feeling entitled to do so because he has money or he thinks he’s incredibly witty. He wants the attention that comes with having lots women, an insistently colorful personality, and the almighty dominator – money. The loud Player usually is more focused on quantity of women, and not quality. A quiet Player tends to be more notorious with his street cred, usually because of having more money. He may be picky because he has more game, but his intentions with women are still superficial and shallow. He is looking to have fun, not to find love. A Player usually guards his phone, and defends his “privacy”, even though he is obsessed with his very-public presence on Social Media. His traffic online might appear to be more important to him than actual relationships, and he constantly checks in to see who’s following him, and what they’re commenting about him. His interest in you (or any woman) is often short-lived, and he’s quick to move on. But he may be insecure and desperate for you to acknowledge your interest in him. A Player’s body language tends to be just as intrusive and entitled. He will usually be forward about touching you – quick to grab your leg, your waist, your behind. To a Player, everything and everyone is his for the taking, and women aren’t valuable enough to be earned. This is easily discernible when disagreements arise. Walking away is an easy-out during travesty, and Players that get fed up enough with a situation to walk out may eventually walk away for good!
To be fair, you can never know what a person is thinking or feeling unless they tell you. If you have concerns about suspicious or indecipherable behavior, then start asking questions. Ultimately, when it comes to any man, trust your instincts – not your heart.
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[tab title=”THE SUGAR DADDY” icon=”entypo-book”]
Although there may be traits in common, a Sugar Daddy differs from a Player mainly in one distinct aspect: by a willingness to commit on a certain level. Like a Player, a Sugar Daddy may feel more entitled because he has money. Since they both enjoy their money, often you will find Players and the Sugar Daddies in the same locations and venues. And while socially the idea of a Sugar Daddy is often frowned upon, the reality is that this situation is as old as Love itself, and extremely common in real life. When approaching that point of considering a Sugar Daddy relationship, a smart girl needs to consider his reputation. Hone your instincts as to whether he actually wants a “Sugar Baby”.
From the beginning, the woman also has to have respect for the man. While most girls may tend to interview the Sugar Daddy like a financial partner, in reality, he will be more – he will be a boyfriend. The two of you will be spending a lot of time together, so there needs to already be a healthy amount of companionship and trust for both of you. If you’re looking for this arrangement, everything should be out on the table and both of you should clearly acknowledge the nature of this relationship… otherwise it shouldn’t even move forward. A Sugar Daddy knows that his money is buying a relationship that is based on money, so once the relationship has opened up, the specifics need to be addressed clearly. Getting to know someone better and being honest is really the only way to decide if you want to move forward with such a relationship. True, it may not feel good to sit down with a potential partner and have a serious conversation about expectations, but the reality is that doing so is a necessary requirement for both parties to be protected and find contentment in the relationship. A direct and honest conversation will help both parties to move forward with trust and confidence. More often than not, a Sugar Daddy will appreciate the openness.
Some good starter questions are: What are your intentions with me? What can you realistically financially help me with? For how long can you help me financially? What do you expect from me? (time, availability, etc.)
Additionally, a Sugar Daddy may offer to make larger purchases for a girl (say, a car or an apartment). A smart girl will make sure it’s in her name, and that he’s offering to pay for it to cover at least 6 months (or even better, for 6 months up front). A note of caution: Don’t compromise yourself if he wants you to do off things – like drugs. Assuming you are willing to lower your standards for money, there are still other ways to do that and not have lasting effects on your health (dance, waitress, etc.). Something so intense (not to mention illegal) could potentially kill you, and just isn’t worth any amount of money!
Eventually, there may come a time when the relationship comes to a close; perhaps the girl gets busy, or he wants to find someone new. No matter how enjoyable the experience was, when the time’s up, it’s up. Have the strength and confidence to bid a gracious parting, and walk on to the next chapter of your life.
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[tab title=”THE MIDDLE MAN” icon=”entypo-book”]
If there was a realistically attainable sort of blood-sweat-and-tears kind of love, it would probably be found in a Middle Man. It’s the good old-fashioned kind of relationship that needs work, and inevitably through the refinements and the adjustments, both of you become better people, and end up sincerely and truly in love. The “catch” is that a MIDDLE MAN is, well … in the “middle” of his own development. You don’t know which way he will go in life from his current point, and so it takes keen intuition and work to decipher whether it’s worth a shot right now. There’s really no telling whether a particular Middle Man can be something that will develop into true love, or will end up being a true waste of time. Regardless of his age, just like a woman, a Middle Man may be “in the middle” of a phase of his life that won’t necessarily end up becoming his identifying or lasting legacy. After all, some phases of life are good lessons, even though at the moment they seem very bad. All in all, most people learn and grow from their experiences – hopefully without any lasting harm to ourselves or others.
A Middle Man is not perfect (and who really is, after all). Still, the beauty of a relationship with a Middle Man is that it can be beneficial for both of you. Perhaps you balance each other out, or even better, you complement each other’s strengths to become two very unique and capable individuals, and your synergy “together” is dynamic. The challenge with a Middle Man is that you just don’t know whether he will become a partner or a dead weight. Will he continue to work at bettering himself, or really just inflate his ego? Is he someone who sticks through with things, holds to plans, stays course even in difficult times? Is he flexible with ideas, or rigid and insistent on his own way? Is he realistic about his dreams and aspirations, or could he possibly bring you down with him while trying to reach them? Even someone with driven aspirations must be reasonable in the strides and logistic game plan to reach such goals. He won’t hide the true nature of your relationship, and doesn’t hide your relationship from his friends, or on Social Media.
Once you have determined that this Middle Man will be a true partner for growth, you can sincerely work together to build something special. You can have in each other a partner with whom to “conquer the world”. (Even if that’s just your world, together) You have to make yourself contributory for his specific growth and an asset to his direction in life. A Middle Man who is genuine will do the same for you. Seek to understand his lifestyle, and try to help him clearly understand yours. Because a Middle Man acknowledges that he is not already where he wants to be in life, he will likely be just as busy as you are. Whether in your Industry or not, he will probably match your pace in his own personal and career improvements. Just like you, he tries to improve himself every day, and doesn’t think he is perfect the way that he is. It is easy for someone to become unbalanced and lose focus on yourself while trying to help build up your partner. Balance your career with the Middle Man and his career. If he leaves the middle and goes toward the good side, you may have stumbled upon your very own Unicorn.
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[button style=’red’ url=’http://www.modernchicmag.com/navigating-dating-scene-part-3-unicorn-final-thoughts/’ target=’_blank’ icon=’entypo-fast-forward’]Click here to read part 3 explaining “The Unicorn” and final thoughts on the quiz.[/button]
[infobox title=’About Writer’]
Actress/Musician & 2014 PSW Emmy® Award Presenter Jillisa Lynn (http://jillisalynn.com/)
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